


We Should Have Had Eternity

by Akaroku



Category: Radiata Stories
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sibling Incest, dying character, mild body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25090822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaroku/pseuds/Akaroku
Summary: “I’m not ready for you to go.”
Relationships: Nogueira/Zane





	We Should Have Had Eternity

Nogueira hadn’t ever thought it would be this painful. The sensation of thread-like roots digging into his skin had been tolerable enough in the beginning, causing only generalized itching and pinpricks of pain along his arms and torso. It had been manageable with the application of soothing salves and cooling compresses. Though that was before the mossy growths broke free from the thin barrier of his flesh.

Now there was little to be done to alleviate the disease blooming across his body. He was helpless as their tendrils dug deeper into his muscles and wrapped around his bones. Deeper and deeper they burrowed until finally they reached the essence of his soul, seizing it in their razor thin fibers and suffocating it.

The pain was unlike any he had ever felt before. Feeling as if ice shards were piercing his insides and fire was searing his flesh. For weeks he had dealt with the increasing pain and tiredly he welcomed and begged for the numbness of eternity to take him.  
It wouldn’t be much longer.

Now his final moments were upon him as he made his way to the ancient elven burial ground, his only blood relative not far ahead. He hadn’t initially wanted Zane to go, but wound up being more than thankful for it as the previously long but leisurely walk now became a grueling death march.

With a patience and tenderness he rarely saw of his younger brother, Zane guided him through the forest, always out of distance in case of transmission but close enough to remove obstacles as needed and to light their way with magic as evening gave way to night. And if anything, the comfort of having his most precious person with him in his final moments provided him with just enough fortitude to stand tall and dignified against the agony.

He only wished that Zane could find the same simple comforts. Hardly a word had been said by the younger elf through the entire journey and Nogueira could tell by the despondent look on his face that he was struggling to find closure.

“Zane…” He winced at how raspy and raw his voice sounded. “Let’s stop here for a moment.”

Zane glanced at him with concerned surprise, and Nogueira had to take a moment to admire how the darkness and flickering magic seemed to round out the angular features of his younger brother’s face making him appear oh so much younger. Nogueira found himself now yearning to return to the innocent and tender times of their childhood. Back before politics and Algandars. Back when only each other mattered.

He hadn’t noticed Zane was talking to him. Not until panic bloomed across those previously softened features and he repeated, “Are you alright? You aren’t…”

Nogueira cut him off with a shake of his head, an action he regretted as it seemed to aggravate the mossy plague digging itself into his neck. He grit his teeth against the twinge of pain as he answered. “No I still have time. Time enough that I think I’d like to take a moment to rest and appreciate the scenery.”

Zane seemed reluctant, his gaze shifting down to the glowing fireball in his hand and then to the scenery around them. The look on his face clearly read ‘it’s dark what is there to look at’ but he otherwise kept quiet.

“Is there something you wanted to discuss?” Nogueira pressed after several minutes of silence.

Zane visibly stiffened and Nogueria could see the thoughts working in his mind.

“I don’t think now is the right time.”

“Unfortunately, this is the only time. So please, don’t fight me and tell me what’s been bothering you. I don’t want to leave you in agony if there’s anything I can do to alleviate it.”

Zane’s mouth opened for a brief moment of surprise before clamping shut in a thin lipped grimace. The reminder of the short time they had left triggered something in Zane as tears began to well up in his eyes and he struggled to keep his breathing even.

It broke Nogueria’s heart to see his little brother in such pain and he longed to wipe away those tears and provide some kind of comfort.

“I’m not ready for you to go.”

Nogueira nodded in understanding. He wished he could assure Zane things would be fine. Wished he could tell him that if there was a cure, then he would do whatever it took. But he knew they would be useless words with little to nothing that could be offered in the way of comfort.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could muster in a breathy whisper.

“You should have just…” Zane swallowed thickly on a sob, his face contorting with anguish and grief. He tried a few more times to articulate, no doubt wanting to curse that human girl again. All he accomplished was further working himself up into a barely restrained mess of quiet sobs and hiccups.

Noguiera hadn’t even had the chance to calm him down before the small fire was snuffed out, plunging them into the thick darkness of the deep forest. Moments later, the full weight of his brother was slamming into him. Pain flared across his skin as he pulled weakly at the arms embracing his shoulders. He managed out a strained “Zane, you’re hurting me” and guided the younger elfs arms down to their sides when he loosened his grip.

“Zane you shouldn’t be in physical contact.” Nogueira warned, though he did little to push Zane away, allowing him to sob unrestrained into his shoulder as he maintained a grip on the others wrists. “We don’t know how this spreads among light elves. I don’t want this for you.”

“I don’t want to live a single day in a world without you.” Zane cried, pulling away enough for them to just barely be nose to nose.

Even with the soft iridescent glow of their wings, Nogueira could only just make out the shine of tear tracks and the general silhouette of the other’s face. He did; however, hear the way his brother's breath hitched and noted how the rhythmic pulsing of his wings seemed to pick up like a raised heart beat.

“Zane?” The shift of clothing was the only warning Nogueira received as Zane pressed into him again.

The feeling of lips, warm and moist against his own, came as a shock. Though not quite in the way that he thought he should be feeling said shock. He thought maybe he should feel angry, disgusted, maybe a little disturbed at least. If anything, he was just a little confused. He couldn’t ever recall Zane showing this kind of interest in him. Or was it more a matter of it had never crossed his mind to look for the signs. Judging by how hungrily Zane was pressing into him, he could tell that this had been a desire for quite some time.

He found himself kissing back, swallowing down the thick feeling of apprehension in his chest and burying all the thoughts that tried to explain to him exactly why this was wrong. Though did right or wrong even matter anymore, with only the two of them out here and nowhere for his soul to go after death. What motivation was there to push Zane away now?

Nogueira released Zane’s wrists, instead bringing his hands up to cup the other’s face. The soft moan of his name as he brushed the soft skin of his brother's cheeks and neck sent a surge of warmth through his body, making him feel almost normal and alive for the first time in weeks. Zane pulled him impossibly closer and Nogueira happily obliged, matching the younger elf’s increasingly more feverish kisses and drinking in as much of that alleviating feeling as he could.

Eventually, air became a bigger need and the two finally separated. As they drew appart Nogueira found himself wishing they could return to the City of Flowers, to the warmth and comfort of their childhood home. How he wished he could see Zane’s face right now, lips parted as he gasped for breath. See his pretty emerald eyes hazy and glazed with desire. How he wished this had come about sooner.

The realization hits him hard and fast, draining the warmth and content he had been feeling before and filling him with the cold realization that this would be the only moment they would ever have. Decades, possibly centuries of unnoticed pining only to result in a single moment that would never come again. He wasn’t sure if he should mourn the lifetime of wasted opportunity, or regret the pain he would inevitably inflict upon Zane once he was gone. Though really, would it have hurt any less if he had instead rejected Zane? Or if Zane had simply kept things to himself, regretting never saying anything for the rest of eternity?

“Why now Zane?” The question wasn’t in any way accusatory, only sad, defeated.

“You were the one that pushed me to talk!” Zane snapped defensively. Nogueira shushed him as he rubbed soothing circles into the back of his neck and jaw.

“Stop,” Zane mumbled, now sounding guilty as he gently removed Nogueira’s hands. “You shouldn’t be so focused on soothing me. I should be the one making things easier on you. Instead I’ve complicated things.”

“It simply is Zane. I don’t wish to see you in pain any more than you wish to make things complicated for me.”

Both light elves fell into a melancholic silence as they slid back into an embrace, Zane’s arms loosely wrapping around Nogueira’s waist and Nogueira tiredly burying his face into Zane’s shoulder as he pulled him as close as possible.

“I never wanted to say anything.” Zane eventually admitted. “I never wanted you to push me away. And then when you...when you fell ill, I didn’t want to lose what little time we had left.” 

Nogueira lifted his face and pressed his forehead to Zane’s as he continued. “I’m not sure if I regret not saying anything earlier or not. You were supposed to be here forever, and now I’ll live on for an eternity more, never to see you again.”

The shaky sobs in Zane’s words broke Nogueira’s heart and he did the only thing he could think to do for comfort. The small noise Zane made as their lips connected again should have been a happy one, would have been if things were different. Instead it was far too pained, and Nogueira wished he could absorb all that pain and grief into himself and take it with him to his grave. But he knew Zane’s pain would be boundless and only return ten fold once he passed on.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered between kisses, hoping the coming torrent wouldn’t be too much and drown his most precious person in its wake.


End file.
